The Perfect Seduction Page 22

  She eyed the oilskin pouches still stacked in the wooden crate she'd put at the end of the chaise and wished that she'd thought to record the contents of each as she'd stuffed them full. But then, there hadn't been time, she reminded herself; the ship wouldn't have waited for her to be so organized. She'd been fortunate enough to find the bags in the comer of the storage room, even luckier that they'd accommodated her entire collection. She was just going to have to go through each one of the pouches to find the pictures she wanted and be glad that the oilskin had perfectly protected them.

  The glass walls of the greenhouse shook and Sera instinctively looked up, afraid that the roof was going to shatter and rain down on her.

  "Where are the girls?"

  Carden. The harshness of his tone brought her around to face him, her heart hammering. He was angry; angrier than she'd ever seen him, angrier than she'd known he could be. Was Gerald there to take her away? ''They take a nap every day at this time," she supplied breathlessly, trying to summon some courage and calm. "What's wrong, Carden?"

  He advanced on her, his eyes blazing. "Have you been asked to Lady Hatcher's ball?" Puzzlement replaced fear. Was this truly why he was angry?

  "Yes," she answered honestly, her brows knitted.

  "Barrett asked me to attend with him."

  "And you said you would go?" he demanded, pacing around her.

  She turned with him, watching him warily. "I didn't want to hurt his feelings by declining. You said that he would invite me out and that you would be gracious if I accepted."

  He came to a sudden halt, took a step toward her, and fairly growled, "I said I would try to be gracious."

  "Clearly you're having difficulties with that," she observed softly, taking a half-step back.

  "Yes, I am," he admitted hotly, closing the distance she'd tried to put between them. "I've discovered that I'm not particularly good at sharing. I don't want to share you with anyone." He swung his arm outward, toward the world beyond the greenhouse walls, as he added, "Especially my friends. They're rakes!"

  "So are you," Sera countered, her puzzlement swept away by astonishment.

  "But l'm an honorable rake."

  "There's no such thing," she declared, her hands going to her hips as astonishment evaporated in the heat of indignation.

  Did he really think she was that gullible? That stupid? "A rake is a rake. You use women and then toss them aside."

  "I've never tossed anyone aside," he said, looking terribly shocked and affronted that she'd cast such an aspersion his way. ''That would be callous and cruel."

  "Well, then let me rephrase it," she retorted, undaunted, indignation building toward true outrage with every beat of her heart. "You use women and then gently set them aside. You seduce one, thank her kindly for her favors, and then blithely go in search of another. You are a rake, Carden Reeves. That part of who you are isn't contrived for the benefit of wagging social tongues. You truly enjoy the hunt, the conquest."

  He took another step closer and leaned down so they were eye to eye. "Every man does," he asserted, his voice quiet but granite-hard. "Tell me that women don't enjoy being pursued. Tell me that you cringe at the idea of letting me catch you. Go ahead, lie to me, Sera."

  She was caught. One didn't fall in love with a rake.

  And if you had the poor judgment to do so, you certainly didn't confess your folly to him. Her heart racing, her breathing ragged, she gazed into his eyes and knew that he was forcing her to choose between surrender and survival.

  "I won't," she said firmly, lifting her chin. She deliberately turned away from him, adding, "But we're very different people and-"

  He caught her arm and hauled her back. "Different how?"

  She didn't want to fight him, didn't want to destroy what relationship they had. But surrender was impossible.

  "I'm a married woman and-"

  "I don't give a damn about Gerald Treadwell," he snarled, grasping her shoulders. "You don't owe him fidelity.

  He left you, Sera. He stole from you and abandoned you. His greed and meanness set you free. No, don't you dare put Gerald Treadwell between us, Sera. It's cowardly and dishonest."

  Deep inside her a dam gave way and a lifetime of accepting and enduring came to an end. She shoved her arms up between them and then flung them outward, breaking his hold on her. Free, she held her ground, tilting her head back to meet his stunned gaze.

  "All right, I'll give you an honest answer, Carden," she vowed. "I am a coward. I don't want to be swept off my feet and then thanked and set aside for another woman.

  No, Gerald never seduced me. I submitted because that's what a wife is expected to do. And no, he never once thanked me for my favors. But he set me aside for other women, Carden, and it hurt. Not my heart. I was never fool enough to give him that.

  "It was my pride that he battered. And yes, I'm very much aware that pride is nothing more than a tin shield, but when it's all you have, you cling to it for dear life.

  As much and as deeply as I'm attracted to you, Carden Reeves, I will not surrender what pathetic little defense I have and let you hurt me."

  "Sera," he whispered, reaching for her.

  The sadness, the wanting and regret, in his eyes almost undid her. She stepped back and went on, determined to drive him away before he realized that she'd withheld the most important truth. "I thought that I could. Early on, when we were strangers. I thought that if it was my choice to be set aside, I could satisfy my curiosity and walk away unscathed. But we aren't strangers anymore and somewhere along the way I lost my courage. I'm sorry if I led you on and let you think that there could be more between us. I shouldn't have."

  He didn't try to close the distance between them. He simply stood where he was as he quietly asked, "If we're not strangers, what are we, Sera? Governess and employer?"

  "Yes."

  "But more than that?" He didn't wait for her to admit it. "Are we professional associates?"

  "Just barely."

  "Friends?"

  "I don't know," she answered, struggling to breathe as she sensed the walls closing in around her.

  "Sera, we're lovers in all but fact."

  He was right and she hated him for it. She wanted to throw something at him and scream at him at the top of her lungs. She desperately, with every fiber of her being and every beat of her heart, wanted to fall into his arms and hear him tell her that he loved her even more than she loved him. God, she couldn't breathe. The world was starting to spin. And the tears, damn them, were crawling up her throat.

  "I'll make you a promise, Sera," he said, his voice grounding her. "I'll stay with you until you set me aside. The ending will be yours to choose."

  She considered the lure and the trap beyond it. And then saw the escape it afforded her. She drew a steadying breath and committed herself to one final attempt. "What if I never want it to end? What if I want to be with you always?"

  He blinked and for a moment seemed to lose his balance.

  He swallowed, cleared his throat, and rubbed the palm of his hand over his lips. "I don't know," he finally answered. "I honestly don't know."

  Made brave by his confusion, she pressed further. ''The idea frightens you, doesn't it?"

  "Yes, it does."

  "Carden, I'm just as afraid of being set aside as you are of being shackled."

  His breathing quickened and grew shallow. His gaze drifted off to the far wall as his pulse pounded in his temples and the muscles in his jaw clenched and un-clenched. It took what felt like an eternity before he whispered, "Impasse."

  By sheer force of will she kept herself from sagging in relief. Her secret was safe. Her heart was safe. But the price was more painful than she'd ever imagined it would be. Telling herself that someday she'd look back and know that it had been worth paying, she offered Carden what solace she could, saying, "Let's agree to be kind to each other and graciously accept that we're ill-suited and ill fated."

  He didn't look at her. "I don't like
it."

  "I'd prefer a different outcome myself," she admitted, her heart aching and battered, "but I don't see one as being even remotely possible."

  He wanted to ask her if she thought one was possible with Barrett. Or if Aiden was the man who would offer her all she wanted. But he couldn't. He couldn't bear the thought that she might say yes. He couldn't stay here with her, pretending that the loss wasn't tearing him apart inside.

  If he didn't go and go now, he was going to offer her the moon and the stars and in six months they were both going to hate him for his weakness and stupidity.

  "My appointment with Lady Caruthers is tomorrow," he said, staring out the window. "Will you have the paintings done by then?"

  "I put them on your desk an hour ago. You will let me know what she thinks of them, won't you?"

  He nodded, turned sharply on his heel, and walked away, praying he could get to the door before what little self-control he still possessed deserted him. His hand was on the doorknob when the sound of Sera's tears softly reached him. He faltered and then resolutely, blindly went on.

  CHAPTER 16

  Carden looked down into his empty brandy glass and decided that he really didn't want anything more to drink.

  The first two scotches at his club had sufficiently diluted Lady Caruthers's sickly sweet lemonade by mid-afternoon.

  The four after that had been largely for the sake of having somewhere to be and something to do other than come back here and chance meeting Seraphina in the hall.

  And it was a damn good thing that he'd been successful at doing that, he silently groused, tearing off his stretched collar, because he'd utterly failed to figure out what he was going to do about her.

  There were so many ways to go. All of them had merits.

  And drawbacks. He pitched his collar on top of the drawings, unbuttoned his shirt tab, threw himself into his chair, slammed his feet up on the desk, and considered his dilemma yet again.

  Yes, packing her and the girls off to Honoria's at first light still appealed to his bruised pride. Going out to find himself another woman-any woman-definitely still appealed to his ego. And his loins. He'd have already done it if his gut wasn't being so damn persistent about telling him that he wasn't going to be fully sated unless it was Sera he took down into the sheets. And his bloody conscience ...

  He vaulted up out of the chair, deciding that he did need the brandy after all. He was adding another splash for good measure when Aiden Terrell walked jauntily into his study.

  "What are you doing here?"

  "Well, hello to you, too," Aiden quipped, utterly unfazed by the rudeness. "Tonight's the Martin-Holloway dinner. I've come to collect Seraphina. Have you forgotten?"

  "No," he lied, dropping the stopper back into the decanter.

  The day just gets better and better.

  "I still remember the threat so there's no need for you to repeat it."

  "That's good," Carden replied, pulling open the next two buttons on his shirt as he returned to his desk.

  "I gather you've just come in."

  "You gather correctly," he said, dropping back into his seat. Putting his feet up, he added, "Although I may go out again. I haven't decided."

  "Is there any particular reason for the testiness this evening?"

  And for the miserable night before and the whole wretched day, too? "Just thinking about Lady Caruthers's conservatory and how long it will take to get the damn thing done."

  "If it would brighten your mood to know ... Barrett thinks he's on to the trail of Reginald Carter."

  Yes, it did brighten his mood. Beating the hell out of someone would make him feel so much better in so many ways. He nodded and took a healthy drink.

  "Carden," his friend said, eyeing him warily, "is there anything you'd like to tell me? Anything I can do to help you out of this?"

  Go to hell and take Seraphina with you? He took another drink. "No, I'm fine, thank you."

  "Well, you don't seem fine to me."

  He felt her presence, felt her gaze sliding over him. He looked up to find her standing in the doorway-just where he'd known she would be. She was wearing-not the conservative blue gown she'd worn when they'd gone out together, oh, no-but the bright green one with the crystals sprinkled over her bodice. The crystals that winked and dazzled and said, "Look! Wouldn't you like to touch?"

  "Good evening, gentlemen," she said quietly, her gaze darting away from his. "Sawyer told me you were in here. I hope I'm not intruding."

  Aiden-the drooling weasel-smiled and gushed, "You look ravishing, Seraphina." "Thank you," she said, somehow managing a blush.

  She looked back at him and touched that pretty little tongue of hers to her luscious lower lip before asking, "How did Lady Caruthers receive the presentation today?"

  "She adored the plan and gave me carte blanche," he replied, raising his glass to her. "Just as you said she would."

  "I'm happy for you, Carden. When do you actually start the project?"

  He shrugged in reply, glad that she sounded every bit as tense and miserable as he felt.

  Aiden looked back and forth between them several times, sucked in his cheeks, then gushed again, saying, "Well, I think We should probably be going, Seraphina."

  He crossed to her and presented his arm, adding, "Dinner is at eight."

  She took Aiden's arm blindly, her gaze on his as she said, "The girls are in the kitchen with the puppies.

  They're trying to think of names. Anne will be down for them shortly and see them tucked in for the night."

  "Enjoy your evening," he drawled, hoping Aiden would trip on her hem on their way out. He waited, listening, and when the only sound that came was that of the front door closing, he snarled and tossed the last of the brandy down his throat.

  If Sera was going out on the arms of other men, then, by God, he wasn't going to sit at home and pine over it.

  There were plenty of women in London who would be more than happy to spend an evening-a whole damn night!-in his company. He'd have one more brandy to celebrate his re-entrance into the world of successful seduction, get himself something to eat and a quick shave, and then he'd go find a woman who not only understood, but truly appreciated the considerable merits of purely recreational sex.

  Aiden's discomfort hadn't been lost on her, and as he settled into the opposite carriage seat, Sera knew that it was only a matter of time before he began to ask questions.

  Despite the jading influence of rogues like Carden Reeves and Barrett Stanbridge, he was such a caring and empathetic young man. Somewhere out there in the world was a young woman who had no idea how incredibly lucky she was going to be someday.

  "Seraphina," he predictably began as they edged out into the evening traffic, "even a blind man could see that something's gone terribly wrong between you and Carden.

  What happened?"

  She was tempted to tell him that unless they were driving to Edinburgh, there wouldn't be time for the story.

  Instead, she smiled and replied, "I appreciate your concern, Aiden. I truly do. But it's personal."

  She expected him to make another attempt-he was too kind to abandon the effort after only one-and he didn't disappoint her. "Would it help to talk to another female about it? I could take you to see Lady Lansdown."

  "Oh, Lord," she half-gasped, surprised by his choice of tack. ''Thank you, but no thank you. Honoria's the very last person I'd talk to about Carden."

  "What's he done? Maybe I could prevail on his good sense. If that fails, I could probably get one good punch in on him."

  "Just one?" she asked, amused and hoping that he'd allow the conversation to go in another direction.

  "Maybe two," he amended, grinning. "Any more than that would be by sheer dumb luck. I may be younger and faster than he is, but he's more experienced and considerably meaner. In the end, he'd win. But I'd be more than willing to sacrifice myself if you'd just tell me what he's done."

  Nice and persistent. Nicely persistent
, actually. "He hasn't done anything."

  "Is that the problem? He hasn't done something you hoped he would?"

  Hoping someone would love you didn't obligate them to do so. "Oh, Aiden," she replied, shaking her head, "it's very kind of you to offer to help, but as I said, it's personal."

  He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. "Please talk to me, Seraphina," he asked earnestly. "I can't fix it for you if you won't tell me what's gone awry."

  "It can't be fixed," she admitted, remembering the caged look in Carden's eyes as he'd considered spending forever with her.

  "Nonsense. Did you do something?"

  What hadn't she done? She'd accepted - no, invited Carden's advances. She'd stepped to the very edge of an affair with him and then scrambled away, hiding behind pride and anger and an incredibly dubious claim to virtue.

  And when he'd reached for her, tried to ease her fears, she'd struck out at him, knowing where his weaknesses lay and deliberately aiming for them. She'd intentionally battered him in her effort to escape the consequences of her own decisions.

  And to punish him for not loving her.

  The tears came, spilling in hot rivulets down her cheeks. Suddenly Aiden was beside her, his arm around her shoulders as he pressed a handkerchief into her hand and whispered, "What, Seraphina? What did you do? Tell me and I'll set it right with Carden."

  "You can't set it right," she cried, flinging her hands up at the futility of it all. "It can't be undone."

  "What did you do?" he asked again, his patience clearly at its end. "Spit it out!"

  "I foolishly, blindly, utterly, and completely fell in love with him!"

  He stared at her, his mouth slightly agape, and she looked away, scrubbing his handkerchief over her cheeks and silently daring him to tell her that he could do something about that.

  His laughter caught her completely off guard. She'd barely turned her head to look at him when he hugged her tight and buoyantly declared, ''That's not a bad thing, Seraphina. That's not bad at all. In fact, it's wonderful. The best news I've ever heard."

  She put her hands flat against his chest and pushed herself away so that she could see his face. "Falling in love with a confirmed, committed rake is good news?" she asked incredulously. "You've lost your mind, Aiden."